the new order mondays

feeling a frenzy. just feeling weird. quarantine going like i’m missing a limb. time is less structured. time bleeds into pools. large expanses. when you have too much of something it’s no longer a luxury, it becomes something else. it’s becoming excessive and so we waste and waste. and grow forgetful. cause we’re empty for something else. my body misses roaming. I found my passport.

spent my weekend with a wilding. I don’t want to like her, but she’s part of my nature so it’s feeling inevitable. i’m composed and aloof. grounded, logical. why is this so natural. relaxed. I feel full with her. and I miss nothing. a cancer rising and a scorpio rising. a scorpio sun and a pisces sun, meshing, vibing. its easy and it makes sense. but she doesn’t want it. she just broke up with her gf of 2 years. she’s so metaphysical and it fascinates me. flurry of emotions, like i’m witnessing a play unravel. her eyes are always sleepy and half gone. sometimes magic. she’s insane and magic. not fitting a structure, just kind of bleeding blurring lines. on another plane. in her eyes I searched for her. like trying to materialize a dream. you know it happened but you have only fragments of its memory.

we watched horror movies and some comedy show. my favorite things. and listened to music. all of her pickings. in my room. in my bed. I got to forgot about coronavirus and my family woes, and my friend woes, and work woes. I didn’t miss anything.

it’s so addictive, being in a relationship and sleeping next to someone all the time. when its gone its hard to process and